My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
