Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
