suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
