i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
