You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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