meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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