just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
