Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He passed out mid-signature
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
