it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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