you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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