cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
