There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I fill condoms, not promises.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
