i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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