you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
