I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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