you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
