Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
