why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm passing your future prison.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
