I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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