I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
