i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
