So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
