we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
