Pappa wants mamma naked
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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