I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
