her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
