After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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