A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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