Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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