is your mom at the bar?
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
