i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
