Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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