I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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