My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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