Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
