my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
