he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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