No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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