everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
