you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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