I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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