will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
