I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
