There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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