How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
