At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
