Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
