Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
