Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
