It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
