Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
