bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
