You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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