I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
