i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
