I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
