You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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