i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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